Last night I stayed up way too late writing blog posts.
I wrote four or five, each one starting with a passion for varying subjects like morality, childbirth, prophesy, housework, and missing my husband (he's traveling for work and I miss him desperately). But I didn't finish any of them... I petered out before I was even halfway finished...
I'm tired of ranting and raving (although I do not believe I rant and rave. I'm pretty solid in my opinions and I'm not on a soap box just to gain popularity). Truth is, I'm tired of pretty much everything.
Change is hard for me, and although PA has been really kind to me, I still feel like I'm living in a constant state of slow-motion vertigo. The bad things about PA are so small, and the good things are so incredibly good. Most of what is truly hard are all the same bad habits that have followed me here --the habits I hoped I could be rid of as I started a new life, here.
But that is folly, and any wise person could tell you that bad habits follow you everywhere. Plus, I knew that, so... ??
The bad habits are not horrifying, by any means. I'm not beating my children or hoarding cat feces. They're just your normal run-of-the-mill bad habits I wish to replace with good ones. Such as keeping up on the housework, taking better care of my body and mind, reading more books to the kids, and being a better homemaker/mother/wife. You know --the normal stuff most of us strive for, the things that mortality has created for us.
My good habits are good, though. My mental illness (with a good dose of satan, who takes advantage of my mental illness) makes me focus on the bad and beats me into the ground until I can't recognize the good, but I do have good habits. I berate and beat myself up over all the bad things I do, so I need to focus continually on the good. People assume this is called bragging. I'm here to tell you it's called surviving. Besides, when we focus on the good, more good will follow. Light for light, you know? Here are some good things I do:
*I get the kids up every morning (Brandon's there, too) at 6:30AM and we read from the scriptures. (Right now, we are studying Alma in the Book of Mormon, and we've just started reading about how the sons of Mosiah collectively gave up the chance to be Kings in order to be missionaries.) Then we pray as a family. Right after, I play classical music as they are getting ready for school and the atmosphere in our home is lovely.
*We do all the church things. Church on Sundays, FHE on Mondays, mutual/scouts/activity days on Tuesdays, tithing, fasting, temple attendance, feeding the missionaries, modesty, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera! We live our religion the best we can and we teach our kids along the way.
*I usually make dinner most nights. Fast food is a rare treat. Depression times usually means frozen pizza, though, but the kids don't mind that. Ever. In fact, Brandon usually doesn't mind, either!
*I pay the bills on time.
*I pray for the friends/family in my life whom I love. I remember them when I go to the temple and write their names down on the prayer roll.
*I take my vitamins every single night without fail (my regimen includes: B6 complex, D, calcium/magnesium, omegas, prenatal, nettle, and chaste tree). I only drink water (occasionally almond milk, rarely a soda). I brush my teeth often. I shower at least 3-5 times a week (for a SAHM, that is really, really good).
*I teach my kids how to work. Aside from the yelling/frustration (that's bad), I've taught them how to clean toilets, do dishes, do laundry (start and switch), collect garbage, vacuum, dust, organize, make beds, mop floors, sweep, change kitty litter, make basic dinners, shovel walk-ways, play the piano, speak in church, read, recognize colors/shapes, put away groceries, weed a garden, sweep porches, do homework, serve others, use seat belts, change diapers, hang up clothing, and use manners. Do they always do these things? Hahaha! That's funny! But at least I know they know how.
*I like to educate myself. I'm not great at teaching myself new skills (although I can bake bread, build a fire, paint walls, and sew in a straight line), because I lack the patience, but I love to read about things. I adore reading. I read and read and read and read.
*I get out of bed most days. Not all days. But most. Most is better than few, and much better than none.
What do YOU do that is good? What are your good habits? Even if you just pick one, please share it with me. Admit it to yourself! What are you good at doing? or Being?